Adventures in Sasa land
Kee-pish? Right. Let the ball roll. You have been warned.
Oh. And don't think to steal my ideas. 'Coz I'll hunt you down and rip you apart from the bottom up. Slowly. I'll make sure that the next time you pee, it'll be from your mouth. And I'll remind you of how many bones there actually are in your body. =)
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Ahh.. Bliss.
I tilt my head back, savouring the combination of heat and sweetness assaulting my oral cavity. It was sooooo good. It was from the last tea bag and I sure as hell was going to enjoy it.
I'd shovelled (yes, shovelled) sugar into the dark amber liquid, watching the glistening condiments dissolve and sink to the depths of the stained mug between my burning palms. I'm upset. This is how I calm myself. The only way, actually. Thank God for tea! If there could've been an ideal way for me to disappear off this place, this would be the first way I'd opt for-drinking sweet tea to my death. The papers can call it, 'death from a cup'.
"Fuck off Hark." I didn't have to turn to know that he was standing at the door watching me the whole time. I gave him a sideways glance. A college triathelete,he was the peak and epitome of the kind of fit that was firm but not overly muscular. That and the fact he had sapphire chips in his eye, an easy, open and utterly disarming smile made all the girls on campus want to sling their underwear at him. Even the dykes. We were complete opposites of each other. He was the college prince while I was the girl in the background, the extra whose screen time was numbered. "Well?" I turned to glare at him properly. "What the hell are ya still standing there-" He merely grinned and held his hands up.
"Just wanted to,you know, check."
"If I was still alive? If I hadn't pulled the trigger and offed myself?" I laughed mirthlessly. "Trust me. I would if I could, but it seems to be I'm not the only trigger happy nutter in this place. Jumping off the ledge just doesn't sound as appealing once you know you can survive it from this height." I pause to let myself take another sip. "God knows I've tried the pills route." I grimaced. That had been most unpleasant to get out of my system. "I'd like a quick, remotely unpainful death so wrist slashing is a no go." I pause again. "Though drowning is still an option seeing that I can't swim...."
"So you're going to drink yourself to death?" Hark asked as he plopped down on my bed.
I scowled. "I'll have you know that this is just tea and nothing dodgy." He grinned. Chuckling, he threw his head back. Running a hand through his dark strands he merely watched as I ignored him and continued my savouring.
"How many times have you tried to off yourself?"
I chose to place the mug on my desk and went over to sit next to him on the bed. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I hugged my pillow tightly. Hark was the only one besides Galina that I can talk to without the urge to hurl myself out the the window. He was probably one of the few that I can talk to about myself without lying or exaggeration. One of the few who've been there when I called in ungodly hours as I lay swinging between the beckoning darkness of my mind and the cold icy floor.
I can tell Hark about the previous attempts without having to deal with the shirking in horror, gaping like a gold-fish, tears in their eyes, telling me that they're sorry bullshit crap.
Yeah right, fuckers! You don't even know the 'me' that exists in here.
We let the silence blanket us, choosing instead to bask in the late September sun. "It's been three times. The serious ones at least." My laughter was muffled by the pillow. "Pathethic right? I tried three times to end my life and all of them never worked. I'm still here. I'm still breathing. What sort of person fails to end their life in the three times that they try?" I laugh again, burying my head in my pillow this time. "I'm so fucking messed up."
Hark didn't say anything. He only tilted my face towards and lean in to smother my lips with a chaste kiss. I reciprocrated by cupping his cheeks and deepening the contact. He was a good kisser. But he sure as hell needed more practice with a girl. We were drawn apart by the insane urge to breath. Sitting with our noses touching, he looks at me and I, him. We last mere seconds before the giggles consume us.
I reached over for the mug, only to have him beat me to it and drink it all in one gulp. "Oi! You oaf!" I swatted him. "You just botched my suicide attempt!"
The oaf in question merely raised an eyebrow, but said naught. He opted to steal another kiss and pick away at the first of the buttons. I let his dexterous fingers work their way down my blouse. He whispered at my ear just as he moves me to lie on the bed, "Hell, Mae.. If you're going down, try and take me with you, will ya?"
"Why?" I whispered back, matching his tone as I nipped at the soft flesh of his nape.
"'Coz it's a fucked up world and we're both fucked up people that everyone just doesn't get and never will." He smiles and plants a soft kiss on the side of my face. I can feel the warmth of his breath and the quickening of his breath and pace of his heartbeat. I feel him push at my nether regions, he kisses me again and relax to let him in. " 'Sides," His breath hitched a little. "Wouldn't want you to go down alone."
I smirk against the fabric of his shirt as I push it off his shoulder. "How kind of you." I ran my fingers through his hair. God! I loved his hair. "But I'll die the way I want to." I push him off me. "Be it with company or not." Feeling a smile on my lips, I slowly traced his features and drew a line on his torso with my finger. Drinking in the sight of him over me in the golden sunlight, I drew him in for a kiss. "Anyways, my girlfriend wouldn't be too happy if she knew I chose to take her little brother instead of her." It was true. Galina would make sure that I won't rest in peace.
He laughs against my skin. "But it'll be pleasurable though." That, I had to agree with.
Labels: Morbid desires, Short stories
