I've been crying for two -bleeping- days straight now. I'm in mourning and I plan to exhaust my entire black wardrobe by the end of the week. I havn't had a spare moment to think about anything else but It. I havn't felt this empty since that moment as I stood outside the clinic after being confirmed a diabetic. The world should stop now. But why should it? Just because Ianto Jones died, doesn't mean the world should take notice?

Wrong.

We notice it. We, Ianto's fangirls, notice it. And we don't like it. My friends have officially said that I'm weird. Why shouldn't I be? Here's how everything changes.

Sunday,19 July
Checking mail, checking facebook, realised that CoE should be out soon. Googles CoE. Clicks on Wikipedia. Gasps when reading about Ianto dying. (It was so -bleep- brief! Like the person writing it was just trying to get to the end) Searches the web for more news. Starts to cry. Alarms roomie. Still in shock. Tells cauliflower (my friend) about this. She says I'm whacked for crying over Yan. I says that I'm not. Couldn't sleep till 4 a.m. Cried self to sleep.

Monday, 20 July
First day of mourning. Wears black shirt to class. Announces in Facebook profile and everywhere else that is mine that am in mourning. Didn't really talk much. Kept mostly to to my friends. They're in disbelief that someone would actually weep over a dead TV character. They says that at least Gareth isn't the one dead. Comes back to room and opens the web. Does the same thing yesterday and racks the web for answers. Starts writing 'Time'-fic (Message for link) but stops halfway, bursting to tears. Sleeps earlier today because of exhaustion. Still cried self to sleep.

Tuesday, 21 July
Begins to write about feelings. (Refer to other blog) Continues writing Time-fic. Begings to read other blogs and fanfics regarding matter. Stops when things get too heavy. Begins posting on blog.

I havn't cried today. I'm hoping I can sleep without the tears, but after reading ~*Sherry*~'s livejournal entry, I'm not too sure about it anymore. I feel like my heart is about to burst. I havn't felt this way in a long time and the last time I did, I prayed that I'd never feel soo bloody helpless and empty again. I know it's irrational to feel this way about a character from a television series, but you don't understand. You never do, do you?

Living in Malaysia is somewhat of a information block-out. I didn't get the news till almost a week after the last ep was aired. I could've grieved a long time ago. I don't know how to cope. As I'm writing this, I'm listening to Ianto's speech from Deadline. Probably not doing any good for my not-crying mission. I really miss him. I really do. Eventhough I havn't seen the episode myself, just the news of it... It's enough to drive me to tears. Right now, for therapy I'm ggoing to keep on writing. Because at least there, I can still have him. I can still dream.

To all those Torchwood fans out there, know this; You Are Not Alone. Only a fan knows another fan. We're not crazy. We're coping. Fanfickers, a super thank you. It's through your stories that we find some sort of solace in this pain. There, at least, we can still have him. Even if it's just for a little while longer. To those that read til here, thank you. Even if you don't understand.

Labels: Death, Favourite shows, Ianto Jones, Mourning, Torchwood

http://spoilerjunkie.wordpress.com/2009/06/08/supernatural-season-5/

The only good thing that I can see from my grieving is that Supernatural WILL be renewed for a Season 6. That means there will be something to look forward to after this September's run of Season 5.

Whoop-de-do. Now what? I'm still wearing black.

Labels: Favourite shows, Supernatural TV

WARNING: SPOILERS



Picture belongs to supernaturalfanwiki.com
(http://supernaturalfanwiki.wetpaint.com/page/Lucifer+Rising)



Supernatural season 4 has officially ended with the final ep aptly entitled 'Lucifer Rising'. I applaud the producers, scriptwriters and most especially the men of awesomeness Jensen and Jared themselves for portraying their characters to a whole new level. But my problem was



WHY??? WHY???? WHY??????????



I get that there are only 5 seasons and all and we've got to have something to draw us in to watch it, but why in the name of everything fan-girlisms did you guys have to make it a cliffhanger?? Ruby is a bitch(Yay~) I think eveyone sorta knew that from the beginning. Turns out she was a dirty cheating lying double crosser that she ultimately was in every loyal Winchester Girls' mind. There are loads of moments in this season that you sorta go, 'Awww...' Scenes that involve the brothers could make you just smile a little. But then again there were also scenes that you just wanted to give them both a slap on their heads and shout 'That's your brother, you idjit!'



Old Yellow Eyes turns out to be the bonafied Son of the Devil himself. Gasp. I think, looking back, there were hints all along. Lilith is the final seal and First Demon (First human turned demon by the devil after his fallout with God). Crazy psycho demon-child thingy has an apetite for human babies. Ew. Her personal chef became a snack after Sam (gone nuts and stuff) 'fed' on her'. Yes people. Sammy fed on her demon blood. What I gotta say is, 'Dude!'


Anywhos, Dean gets locked up in some heavenly witing room of sorts where it's complete with a burger and a beer. Guess that would be a cool place to be sent up to if you are into burgers and beer. I would prefer a library with soft cuhions and throw pillows with a kitchen. The two angels Zach and Cas appear and tell him that he has to be the one to kill Lucifer, not Sam. That'll be one of my highlights of Season 5. Interesting how the plot plays out so well. Big brother Winchester demands to be let out, only to be denied the get out of jail free pass. Then Cas comes in and cuts himself, smearing the blood on the wall. Ew and Ouch. He tells Dean that Lilith isn't just the only one after the breaking of the final seal. She's the final seal meaning that her death will result in Lucifer's release. Uh-oh. Because Sam has found her after making a deal with the personal chef and is on their way with Ruby to kill her.


Dean and Cas arrive back on Earth where we see the prophet Chuck (from ep 'The mosters at the end of this book') hooking it up with 20 $1,000 prostitutes. Yup. It's the end of the world and he knows it. The dude is surprised to see them, seeing that they shouldn't be here at all. Too bad the party got crashed, coz it would've been fun to see what they could've gotten up to. Chuck tells Dean where his little brother would be and sends him on his way while he and angel Castiel stay and try to delay the Archangel breathing down powers of awesomeness down on them.


Dean arrives in time and baby Sammy seems to have reverted to his old self, only to be micked by baby-eating Lilith. Squezing the trigger, he kills her. And that's when all hell breaks loose. Literally. Dean barges in through the door and stabs the bitch (Did I just hear a chorus of yeahs and cheers of joy?). The Winchester boys look at each other and the viewers (primarily the girls) just smile and sigh at the looks of pure forgiveness and regret that emit from both of them. I mean seriously? There could've been no other duos better suited for these roles than the two of them. The brotherly chemistry is apparent in every scene and moment that they are together on our screens. However, the bromance moment is cut short as the floors are opening and some serious scary looking light that practically screams not-good is shining. And our screens are blinded in a curtain of bright light.


I wish I could insert strings of swear words, but I won't. No because I can't, just that I won't. Viewers in the US will be able to watch the last season of the show in about 3 months while the rest of us will have to wait. Season 4 will hit Asian shores through AXN Beyond in the 2nd half of 2009, which isn't very long. But, ARGH! I tell you. Waiting is not my forte. But then again, there is the miracle called the Internet. Ah. The joys of technology. It'll definitely be a long wait, but we can be deifinitely sure. The party is not over yet.

Labels: Dean Winchester, Favourite shows, Sam Wichester, Supernatural TV